I'm Going Crazy?

I'm 17 years old and I feel like I' going crazy! I have a good life, a good family, I haven't experienced loss and have never been abused, yet, I'm always sad and angry. I tell myself what I feel is stupid and not real and I'm not supposed to feel miserable, I'm not supposed to feel this way!

I have anxiety and panic attacks and I cut myself. I don't even mean to. It's like I don't think, i just do it!  It makes me feel better and I love to watch the blood and I love the scars it gives me. My mind feels all jumbled up and it's hard to remember things sometimes.

 I've had many suicidal thoughts or just the feeling of wanting to disappear so badly it angers me that I can't. I think I'm worthless and no good. I feel I deserve the pain I feel.

I don't cry much because sometimes, even though I want to, I can't.  The tears just don't come and that angers me. I have anger issues. I get mad over everything and when I'm mad I want to hurt people mentally and physically. I know that's bad so I cry to let out the anger and when I can't cry I go crazy and have an attack.

I always have dark thoughts and dreams. I'm also bisexual. I'm always exhausted. I hate people. I'm not sexually active. I've cheated my whole life in school. I don't drink or do drugs (I have but i stopped).

I'm home schooled. I have only two friends. A lot of the time I don't know whats real or not. I feel like bad things have happened to me but I know they haven't. I'm pretty careless. I have trust issues. I'm constantly paranoid and feel that everyone's out to get me and that they want to do me harm. I've thought about killing things, I picture hurting it and the blood running down its perfect body....

 I think that pretty much summons it up.

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