How Can I Cope With My Husband´s Depression and Its Sexual Consequences?
My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we have been together for 4. He has depression and in the past it really hurt and killed my self- esteem because he didn't touch me for months. The problem now is that I don't know how to go back to being self confident and starting sex. I don´t feel sexy or desired anymore. I used to love being kinky but he´s not kinky at all, he´s never been, at least not with me. I know he was kinky with his ex wife and now I feel very insecure about myself in front of him.
I didn't understand his illness at first. Now I do understand him better, but still it's hard because, when he's down, he's gone and totally out of himself. I try and I do understand it more, but I don´t really know how to help him or help myself a little more. Also, other issues are involved such as, our realtionship hasn't been easy due to external circumstances. I was kicked out of the country for overstaying my visa and when that hapened I realized I was pregnant and I had to have an abortion. So living abroad currently wasn't his choice. He says he likes it but I don't think he´s totally happy.
So knowing all this, I know I have to do something. I read and research about depression and marriage and try to do what the experts recommend. But, how can you help someone, when they don´t want to help themselves and don't try? He´s been dealing with depression his whole life and his ex wife, whom he lived with for 2 years with, is bipolar and was diagnosed with borderline personality dissorder. So life with her was "hell," he assures me. I think that has had left him exhausted and hurting.
We also have some habits that don't help. For example we are 420 friendly (marijuana) and he shouldn't smoke it because getting depressed is a side effect. Also, he should be taking anti depressant meds but he quit because we had serious financial trouble and we can't afford it right now. Yet, he tried generic meds but they didn't really do much. So I really need your help. How can I help him and how can I help myself?? I love him and I know for a fact that he loves me. He´s really tender, helpfull at home and loving. But, I need more from him.
Please, any suggestions in how to handle this would be appreciated. I want to save my marriage. And I kind of need some expert opinion about my specific case.
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