I Think I'm Depressed

I think I am depressed. I feel sad almost all of the time. There are rare instances when I am really happy, but then, I suddenly get sad again. This just started happening a few years ago. I got really sick from a combination of SLE, kidney failure, and meningitis. As a result, I had to miss half of my junior year and senior year. The friends that I have are gone off to college, and I'm attending an online college.

Sometimes, I start to feel sad whenever I remember how sick I was. I also get sad when I see other people. I start to think, "Why can't I be them?" or "Why can't I have their life?"

I think that if I had friends, or things to do, I'd probably be happier, but I feel stuck with no possibility of escape. I have little money, no car, nothing that could help me get out of the house. Some of my happiest moments are when I'm on the Internet on a forum or something, or playing  video games.

I really want to have a social life but lack the ability to do so because I'm afraid of what people are thinking about me. I hate my life. I hate the way I look. I hate that I got sick during my high school years. Nothing ever seems to go right for me. Sometimes, I feel like I'd have been better off if I had just died. I really need help.

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