Review of "Silent Grief"
By Christopher Lukas and Henry M. SeidenJessica Kingsley, 2007
Review by Beth T. Cholette, Ph.D. on Jun 24th 2008
This slim volume was originally published in 1987, with the long-overdue revised version arriving in 2007. Authors Lukas and Seiden acknowledge that in the years between the two editions, the subject of suicide has garnered much more of a public forum, particularly with the advent of the internet. However, they maintain that what hasn't changed is the profound, traumatic effect which suicide has upon those left behind, known here as suicide survivors. This book focuses on those survivors--how they react, the bargains they make in order to survive, and how they can learn to respond and move past their grief. Woven into the book are narrative accounts of many different survivors of suicide, including one of the authors, Lukas, who lost not only his mother but also his aunt, uncle, and eventually his brother to suicide as well.
Because silence often abounds after a suicide, the authors strive to break that silence through freely sharing just what happens to the survivor after someone commits suicide. Common emotions are discussed, including guilt, shame, and denial. In the second part of the book, the authors describe in detail what they term "bargains" that survivors make with respect to the suicide. These bargains allow the survivor to go on living, perhaps reducing their emotional pain, but there is a downside to each bargain made. Examples of bargains include keeping silent, scapegoating, punishing with guilt, cutting off, and the ultimate bargain, committing suicide (estimates suggest that suicide rates for survivors are between 80 and 300 percent higher than those for the general population). In the final section of the book, however, the authors recommend ways for overcoming these bargains through both getting help from and giving help to others. They offer suggestions for talking about the suicide in addition to reviewing basic listening techniques. The book concludes with some useful resources for finding self-help groups as well as suggestions for further reading.
This book is intended specifically neither for suicide survivors nor for professionals, yet it is well-suited to both audiences. Survivors will definitely find kinship--if not comfort--in the many personal stories featured here; they are also likely to feel less isolated and more accepting of their emotional reactions upon learning that they are not alone. Similarly, mental health professionals will benefit by gaining greater insight into and compassion for their clients who are suicide survivors. Overall, a well-done, very readable work for virtually all populations; highly recommended.
© 2008 Beth Cholette
Beth Cholette, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who provides psychotherapy to college students at SUNY Geneseo. She is also a Top 100 Reviewer at Amazon.com and the official yoga media reviewer for iHanuman.com.
Resources
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Articles
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The Nature of Suicide
- The Nature of Suicide
- Defining Suicide
- Suicide: A Reactive Action
- Suicide Statistics
- Other Factors Contributing to Suicide Risk
- Suicide Triggers
- Suicide Triggers Continued
- Tying it All Together: Why Does Someone Become Suicidal?
- Becoming Suicidal: Biological Contributions
- Becoming Suicidal: Sociocultural Contributions
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Coping with Suicidality
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- How did you get to this suicidal place?
- Why does suicide seem like a solution to your problem(s)?
- How do you know your level of suicide risk?
- Suicide Warning Signs
- Suicide: What Should I Do if I'm Suicidal?
- Suicide: What will happen to you when you ask for help?
- Outpatient Suicide Treatment-Finding A Psychotherapist
- The Initial Suicide Treatment Interview
- Jeremy's Story
- Follow-up Suicide Therapy Visits
- Suicide: Other Things You Can Do to Help Keep Yourself Safe
- Suicide and Self Harm Resources
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Helping A Friend or Family Member who is Suicidal
- Helping a Friend or Family Member Who is Suicidal
- Understanding Suicidal Crises
- Why Do People Become Suicidal and What Can I do to Help?
- How Can I Judge the Level of Suicide Risk?
- What Are Other Suicide Warning Signs?
- What Happens When a Suicidal Person Asks for Help?
- How Do We Find a Therapist for Suicide Outpatient Treatment?
- What Else Can I Do to Help a Suicidal Family Member or Friend?
- How Do I Handle My Own Reactions Following a Suicide or a Suicide Attempt?
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The Nature of Suicide
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- No Clue What To Do. Help?
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Book & Media Reviews
- A Sadly Troubled History
- Alive
- Autopsy of a Suicidal Mind
- Bloodletting
- Boy Interrupted
- Comprehending Suicide
- Crosses
- Duplicity
- Eight Stories Up
- Fatal Attachments
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26 more
- Heavier than Heaven
- Her Husband
- History of Suicide
- How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me
- Human Dignity and Assisted Death
- Leaving You
- Life Interrupted
- Like the Red Panda
- Making Sense of Suicide
- Myths about Suicide
- Night Falls Fast
- No Right Turn
- One in Thirteen
- Relational Suicide Assessment
- Silent Grief
- Suicidal
- Suicidal Behavior in Children and Adolescents
- Suicide
- Sylvia
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- The Art of Misdiagnosis
- The Clinical Science of Suicide Prevention
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Links
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Videos
- Developing the Family Intervention for Suicide Prevention (FISP)
- Addressing the Rise of Teen Suicide
- Feeling down? Let's talk - Prevention of suicide among adolescents
- NPW 2017: Suicide and Substance Use in Young People
- Addressing Suicide
- Suicide Warning Signs
- How to Ask if Someone is Suicidal
- Suicide Tops Injury Deaths
- Assessment and Intervention with Suicidal Clients: Volume 2
- Assessment and Intervention with Suicidal Clients: Volume 1
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14 more
- Assessment and Intervention with Suicidal Clients: Volume 3
- Preventing suicide: a global imperative
- Youth Suicide Risk
- Preventing Death by Suicide-Strategies to Help Children, Youth and Families
- The bridge between suicide and life
- Beyond the Data -- Preventing Suicide: A Comprehensive Public Health Approach
- Preventing Suicide: A Comprehensive Public Health Approach
- For Those Considering Suicide
- How to Help Someone Who is Suicidal
- Teen Suicide Prevention
- Reach Out - Preventing Teen Suicide
- Suicide Prevention with Lynn Keane
- Addressing Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors in Substance Abuse Treatment
- Suicide Signs
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