Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

I have been married for many years. The marriage has been rocky. I have a sort of love for my husband but I think it's more  loyalty and  security for me. He is a good provider and I believe he really loves me still. My problem is I am repulsed by his weight problem. He has a very large belly. His health is suffering also. I am completely embarrassed by his appearance. I make excuses not to do things in public with him if I can help it. I believe other people look at him with similar repulsion. I have done everything over the years to try to convince him to do something. I have threatened, pleaded, begged, smothered him with kindness, used sex, anything I could think of and the problem remains. I know I am part of the problem. I carry shame from childhood regarding prejudices against obese people. My father verbally abused my sister about her weight. I felt a great deal of sympathy for my sister. I also feel sorry for my husband. He is a very nice person but I can't see passed this issue with him. I end-up nagging him about this and I know that's not good or helpful. It's desperation on my part. When we are out with friends I feel mortified and stifled by his weight and appearance. When I am out without him I am a totally different and fun person. Don't get me wrong. I am not looking for a perfect man. Once in the past he was able to get his weight and girth down and I was happy about this. Our sex life also improved from both physical and emotional aspects. Any advice you can give me will be appreciated. Thank You.

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