Discipline and Guidance: Early to Middle Adolescence
Angela Oswalt Morelli , MSW, edited by C. E. Zupanick, Psy.D.In general, the type and degree of discipline will vary as youth move through early, then middle, and then late adolescence. In early and middle adolescence (roughly ages 12-18), parents are legally bound to care for their children, and this includes providing appropriate direction and guidance. During early and middle adolescence teens will require more direct discipline and guidance than they will in late adolescence. This is because younger adolescents are more impulsive and may not consider the long-term consequences of their actions. During early and middle adolescence teens need to have the house rules and family expectations clearly defined. Furthermore youth should have an understanding of what privileges are available to them for following the rules and meeting expectations, and what consequences will occur when they fail to follow the rules, or make poor choices.
While it is important for teens to have a clear understanding of the rules and expectations, privileges and consequences, they cannot benefit from this clarity unless parents remain consistent. Consistency is a fundamental principle of successful parenting and this is particularly true during adolescence. Parents need to consistently enforce the rules, consistently and fairly award privileges, and consistently follow through with consequences for failing to follow the rules, or failing to meet minimum expectations. This type of consistency enables youth make the connection between their decisions, choices, and behavior, and the resulting outcomes. Furthermore, consistency helps youth to feel in control of their lives. When families lack consistency and irregularly enforce rules, and haphazardly award privileges, youth begin to feel helpless and unable to control or influence what happens to them. When this type of helplessness occurs repeatedly over time, a person develops a model of the world in which they have no ability to influence what happens to them. In a sense, they begin to feel they are no longer the actor in their own lives, but instead view themselves as helpless victims without the ability to control or change their circumstances. This learned helplessness and perceived lack of control are associated with several psychiatric disorders such as depressive disorders and anxiety disorders.
Consistency also helps youth to trust their parents: Their parents say what they mean, and mean what they say. Youth may not always like what parents have to say, but it is important that they experience their parents as trustworthy. This also builds resiliency as youth learn that they will make mistakes at times, but these mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth, not signs of failure.
Basic Rules and Expectations for Adolescents (Teens 12-18 Years Old):
Every family will have their own cultural and religious values about what is permissible, and what is not. Nonetheless, during early to middle adolescence (roughly ages 12-18), parents and other caregivers will want to clarify their rules and expectations regarding: 1) school attendance and homework, 2) family commitments, 3) time management, 4) socializing and dating, 5) driving privileges, and 6) experimentation with alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Furthermore, when two or more caregivers are responsible for raising a child, is it helpful if they first discuss these rules and expectations privately in order to reach some sort of agreement. Different caregivers may have widely varying ideas about what is acceptable and what is not, and different views about the appropriate consequences and privileges. As mentioned in the prior section, consistency is a fundamental principle of successful parenting. Therefore, consistency between caregivers is essential.
School Attendance and Homework
School attendance and timely homework completion should be non-negotiable items. In order to ensure they are non-negotiable (not open to discussion or debate) parents should clarify any exceptions to these rules in advance. For instance, under what conditions is it acceptable to miss school (e.g., attending a family funeral, illness, etc.)? Are there any circumstances when untimely homework completion might be excused (e.g., attending a sibling's graduation from college)? Next, parents and caregivers should clearly establish the consequences for failing to attend school and/or missing, incomplete, or late homework submissions.
Resources
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Articles
- Adolescent Parenting Introduction
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Healthy Teens: Food, Eating & Nutrition During Adolescence
- Teenage Caloric Requirements
- Nutritional Guidelines for Teens
- How Can Parents Help Teens to Develop Healthy Eating Habits?
- Common Nutritional Challenges for Teenagers: Adolescent Obesity
- Common Nutritional Challenges for Teenagers: Eating Disorders and Unhealthy Dieting
- Common Nutritional Challenges for Teenagers: Adolescent Diabetes
- Adolescent Diabetes Continued
- Healthy Teens: Exercise and Sports
- Healthy Teens: Sleep
- Parenting Teens: Clothing Clashes, Housing Decisions, & Financial Management
- Parenting Teens: Skincare, Cosmetics, Tattoos, & Piercings
- Caring for Teens: Healthcare for Teens and Young Adults
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Parenting Teens: Discipline, Love, Rules & Expectations
- Parenting Teens: Discipline, Love, Rules & Expectations
- Discipline and Guidance: Early to Middle Adolescence
- Discipline and Guidance: Early to Middle Adolescence: Time Management and Family Commitments
- Discipline and Guidance: Early to Middle Adolescence: Socializing, Dating and Driving
- Discipline and Guidance: Older Adolescents and Young Adults (18 Years and Older)
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A Parent’s Guide to Protecting Teens’ Health and Safety
- A Parent's Guide to Protecting Teens' Health & Safety
- Understanding the Risks of Adolescent Drug Use: Part II
- What Can Parents Do to Prevent Teenage Alcohol and Drug Use?
- Steps Parents Can Take to Protect Their Children from Alcohol and Other Drug Use
- Steps for Parents: Part II
- Driving Privileges and Safe Driving Practices for Young Drivers
- Parental Guidelines for Teen Driving Privileges: The Family Driving Contract
- Protecting Teens from Abusive Relationships and Dating Violence
- Protecting Teens from Teenage Fights, Gang Violence, Exposure to Sexual Predators and Graphic Internet Violence
- Protecting Teens from Teenage Bullying
- Protecting Adolescent Safety: Independent Living
- Personal Security While in Public Places
- Adolescent Parenting Summary & Conclusion
- Adolescent Parenting: References & Resources
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Questions and Answers
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Book & Media Reviews
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Links
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Videos
- Feeling down? Let's talk - Prevention of suicide among adolescents
- Teen Drug Use: 2014 Monitoring The Future Survey Results
- NPW 2017: Suicide and Substance Use in Young People
- Are We Feeding Early Puberty
- Why Teens Are Attracted to Vaping
- Is My High School Student Ready for College? (And Is My College Student Ready to Go Back?)
- Advice to Parents | Drugs & College 101
- Teen Depression Screening
- Let’s talk about depression – focus on adolescents and young adults
- The Flu Shot- Who Really Gets It
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45 more
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 21: Adolescence: Biosocial Development
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 22: Adolescence: Cognitive Development
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 24: Adolescence: Summary
- Are Your Kids Addicted to Social Media?
- Is My Child Too Young to Get the HPV Vaccine?
- Do Boys Need the HPV Vaccine?
- The Perils of Adolescence
- Tackling Concussions
- Adolescent Risk-Takers: The Power of Peers
- Energy Drink Sparking More ER Visits
- Children and Social Media: What Every Parent Should Know
- Drugs: Shatter The Myths
- The Impact of Changing Social Behaviors on Teen Drug Use
- Teen Substance Use
- Youth Suicide Risk
- Take Healthy Habits to College
- What Boys Want to Know About Puberty
- Am I Normal (Girls and Puberty)
- Money Tips for Millennials
- E-Cigarette Use in Middle and High School Students
- Teens Using E-cigarettes More Likely to Start Smoking Tobacco
- Tips For Teens With Diabetes: Be Active
- Help Teens Lower Their Risk for Type 2 Diabetes
- Adolescence: Preparing for Lifelong Health and Wellness
- Back to School: A Good Night's Sleep
- How to Talk to Teens: A Developmental Approach
- Bedtime Wake Up Call
- Game Change! Focus on Families - Engaging Young Adults and Their Families
- Endocrine System
- Behavioral Health on College Campuses
- Notebook: Sexual Harassment
- Flu Shots: Young Adults Need Immunity
- Most Teens Need a Rest
- Screen Time vs. Bedtime
- What is Puberty? Decoding Puberty in Girls
- All About Boys Puberty
- Inside Puberty: What Are the Stages of Puberty?
- Puberty Explained - What Is Happening To Your Body?
- Another Reason for Teens to Eat Their Vegetables
- Dangers of E-Cigarettes
- HPV Vaccine: A Pediatrician’s Recommendation
- Healthy Weight
- Getting through to your teenager with ADHD
- Back-to-School: A Time to Think about Health & Academics
- Impact of Cyberbullying: Addressing the Needs of Children and Youth
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