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Relationship Problems

Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
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Relationship Questions

My Wife's Past...

As a child, I was brought up very strict. I was taught that pre-marital sex was wrong. I stuck to this rule. Being a male, I'm sure it's hard to believe. I would never voice my opinion on this subject for concerns of being ridiculed. My problem is that 11 years ago, I met a woman with whom I fell in love and eventually married. She told me about her past (9 guys including a one night stand). While it always upset me, I tried to keep the hurt to myself. In the past month or so, I let loose and have begun to question; WHY? She gets very defensive and the answer is always that she had low self-esteem and didn't want to be lonely. I feel this is just a bad excuse to try to get me to feel sorry for her and leave the subject alone. She swears she never enjoyed any sexual experience before me. But these aren't the answers I'm looking for. I'm not even sure what I'm looking to gain by asking "why?". I just know that it hurts, and the situation is putting a big strain on how I'm feeling about her and our marriage. I was hoping that maybe you had some thoughts on the subject of "pre-marital sex" that might help me understand my pain a little better.

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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