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Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
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Relationship Questions

My Wife the Prisoner

I am 57 years old. My wife died after a mostly satisfying 24 year marriage. Approximately nine months later I began dating a 38 year old woman who was exiting, by divorce, an 18 year marriage that produced 4 kids, ages 10 through 19 and where her every move was controlled by her husband. We dated for nine months and were totally inseparable. Shortly after we married, my wife told me that she had to have more space in our relationship. She began going out alone with her single girlfriends and not coming home until 2 or 3 in the morning. This has escalated to an average of twice a week and includes some Friday and Saturday nights. I have told her that I'm very unhappy with her going out by herself, but she says she has to do this to make up for her 18 years of "imprisonment." Consequently, I spend many unhappy, hurt times alone, babysitting the children. The problem has been magnified by her sister, who is trying to replace her absent husband's companionship by attracting single men in nightclubs. My wife assures me that she does not speak to these men or let them buy her drinks, but she is, nonetheless, spending hours on end in nightclubs full of men who are looking for female companionship. I guess my question is - what do I do next? I don't believe in giving an adult person an ultimatum. I think that would destroy the relationship forever. But, its getting so that I don't want to go home at night, because I'm not sure if my wife will be there. That made me mad at first, but not it just simply hurts me so deeply that I find the feelings very difficult to cope with.

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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