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Relationship Problems

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Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Relationship

I am a 54 year old woman, widowed 17 years, raised my three children, all college graduates, living independently and I just finished my M.S. degree in speech pathology. I now work as a Speech Pathologist in the schools. I had 3 prior engagements and each one walked away. I find dating challenging and disappointing. I recently met a man on a dating single website. He and I clicked right away. He was divorced a year and on his own for at least 4 years. He is out of a 2 month serious relationship that he claims he fell in love for the first time. The woman he fell in love with was divorced 15 years and does very well financially. He is bankrupted, but has a good job. He insecure about the new job, lives in an apartment, works hard to save rent by working on the maintenance of the apartments. I own a very nice home, am financially smart, but need to work on rebuilding a future after raising my children. We immediately became close, I asked him if we are supposed to take this slow? The other day he said to me that "he is sorry that he rushed things." He explained that he is not over the past woman and now wants to take it slow, no more closeness. I asked him if that was the case did he want me to date others? He said clearly "NO." He added that he just wants us to take things slow and learn more about each other. I have been single for many years and can not take another heart break. I do not know why I fell so fast for him? It is not my nature to do so. I am not desperate, but, as friends have told me, I have a BIG HEART, and that I am very intelligent. I know that if a friend told me this story I would ask them why they would want someone with all the financial problems he has. He has to continue paying back his bankruptcy for another 4 years. They will take half of his income. It seems that if I stay in this I can become the rebound. When I said this to him his comment was no, he does not want to break up, he is being honest because he cares about me. He wants us to grow and learn more about each other. He was not able to perform the last 2 times we made love. He said it was because of his not being able to get over someone who did not love him. I have been there done that. I do know it is the lover who does not want us that we grieve the longest and hardest for and that we cannot forget. I am too old and smart for all this, but my heart is twisted. He even met my children immediately for the holidays and they think he is a nice guy. HELP, any advice for an old lady.

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