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Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
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Relationship Questions

Torn between two lovers, and scared of what I'll do

So I've been with my girlfriend for almost four years now, and not once have I seriously considered another person, until a month ago. My first day of university this guy comes up to me and just randomly introduces himself with, "Hello, my name is _____ and I just officially got $&#! by the university. How's your day?" Considering I was in the same situation and I had nothing to do, we started talking. Now it's a month later, and I'm head over heels for the guy. I mean, he's rude, completely not serious whatsoever, and painfully honest. Quite the opposite of my girlfriend who is quiet, moderately serious, and very polite. Unfortunately, this guy is also a "love 'em and leave 'em, the only place in my heart is for my friends" kind of guy. He has a lot of casual off and on things with girls he knows and very short lived relationships.

Now, I know he has an interest in me because he's been quite open about it. And now I'm scared of what I'll do. I keep telling myself it's crazy to even consider breaking up with someone I love and have loved for over three years for someone who I wouldn't have a long standing chance with. I know I wouldn't be any different from the others. Except, perhaps, that we're good friends and that's where I stand apart from most of his casuals. This is where it gets really painful.

Even if I did decide I was to go for him, I could not bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I mean, that's cheating. The concept is horribly, horribly wrong to me; but I'm so sensitive to her feelings that I'm scared I'd be willing to ignore the future consequences to bypass the immediate ones. I'm wondering if I'm getting bored. Is that normal? This guy lacks so much charm that it's charming. We have the same twisted sense of humour and we talk for hours. I don't hug him because I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from kissing him. That just sets the wheels in motion. I suppose the bottom line is I'm wondering A) what I should do? Is this a sign that I should break up with her at the risk of the emotional turmoil because it is no longer working out (hence the attraction to someone else), B) why I would give up something secure for a real jerk and C) do I still love her? I mean, it's not like my affection for her is any different now as it was, say six months ago. It took a lot of work to get where we are. Please help,

Torn

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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