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Relationship Problems

Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
Ask Anne
Relationship Questions

I think we got married for the wrong reasons.

I am 21 years old, and I have been with my husband since I was 18. We got married pretty quickly because he was supposed to go off to the Army. Our relationship had many ups and downs, but I thought the reason was because of our drug use. We did stop doing drugs together before we got married and because of it, our relationship got stronger. We would have just stayed as boyfriend and girlfriend while he was in the army, but he would have had to sign over all his custody rights for his daughter to the mom. He REALLY really IS a great father, and I knew that he would never get to see his daughter again if he signed away his rights.

Well, he never went to the Army, and we have been married for two years. Our communication is obsolete, and when I try to talk to him about anything that bothers me, he gets really angry! I have tried talking calmly, asking with a flirty tone, casual conversation, and of course when I am angry; to get him to hear what I need from him! I just want him to show me as much love and affection as he did when his daughter wasn't around when we first got together. I thought that he could love us both equally, but he seems to think that she will not love him if he shows me any affection. I tried mentioning that she needs to see how much a man should love his wife so that she doesn't settle for anything less when she finds a companion of her own. He doesn't respond.

Instead of being angry or fighting in front of her (i don't think kids should see those things EVER), I just leave for most of the weekend (when she is there). I know that isn't good either, but I think it would be worse if I was there making him "take turns" or "share" giving us both affection. He always gets so mad!! We hardly ever see each other during the week because we both work full time, then go to school at night. Then we have his daughter all weekend, every weekend. Plus, he "feels bad" asking his parents to watch her her so we can go on a date (even though they would LOVE to).

So, I want to know if you think we should part our ways. We have had the same argument for the past two years, and nothing has changed, except for the worse. He knows he is stubborn, he knows he is rebellious, but he thinks that he is normal and nothing is wrong with it. He blames me for not changing, even though I give her love and affection when I am around her. I even take her out on girl days, just the two of us. I just need affection too! I need attention! I don't need ALL of it! Just a little all the time. What should I do? Am I being selfish... or just stupid for thinking he will change back for me?

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
  • 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

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