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Relationship Problems

Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
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Relationship Questions

Engaged to be married but fighting. The wedding date has been canceled.

I have been with my fiancée for 4 years (though off and on). We just got engaged in August. We have currently canceled our wedding date because of issues we both feel need to be addressed before we continue with wedding plans.

I constantly feel like I can't do anything right and so does he. We get easily frustrated with each other and are stubborn. He says I do not make him feel attractive, sexy, and wanted (which is about 90% of what we fight over). I feel his only way to feel wanted is through us making love. To me, it is more than that, I have to feel he wants me in ways other than that. My drive for sex is controlled by how much we fight and how close I feel to him. When he constantly complains about things I don't do right, it makes me distance myself from him. He claims now that I must "change the way things affect me" and that if I don't then he is not important enough to me.

We argue about simple things. He gets "firm" (what I call being hateful) and rude towards me when he addresses me with a problem or issue. He claims this is "just his tone" and he is not being rude or hateful. He has accused me of being hateful and I have worked on it...he has even told me how much he appreciates me not being as hateful.

He has a mechanic hobby shop and stays out in the shop some nights until 10 or 11. He does make time to spend with me and comes in early some nights to. The other night he got mad at me and said he had to "fight to spend time with me" because I was in the shower for too long.

Where do we go from here? Currently, we have left it as I am suppose to "change how things affect me" in an attempt for my sexual drive not to be influenced by anything; however, I do not know how to do that or where to start. . .or if it's even something I should be working on. He says if I do not change that then he "must not mean enough to me".

I feel he cannot be happy unless the sexual drive is there at least 3 times a week.

Where do we go from here?

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
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  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

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