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Relationship Problems

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Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

What do you do When Your Partner Just Won't Understand or Change?

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. I am 41 she is 34. I am somewhat neurotic but nothing serious. She, on the other hand, has had a lifelong time of troubles, neurosis, running away from and becoming shy. She met me and I thought I could save her, or show her the way. Nothing major just show her the world isn't so evil. She doesn't trust anyone and thinks people are inherently evil. I thought I could show her there is a better life for her.

Alas, after 3 years of about 10+ breakups and getting back together, the "Oh I promise I will change," or, "You are the one who needs to change," and after I finally agreed to get therapy myself, I feel like its a dead end.

She is a lovely woman, with a heart of gold, who has issues but no matter how much I try to help her she just doesn't get it. She just won't let me in. Yet, she says she loves me and wants to be with me.

I really care about her, but I am not sure if I really love her, because I wish she would fix these issues... then I could love her. I know that's not right but I can't break free of her and I wish she would let me help her... What do I do?

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  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
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