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Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
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Relationship Questions

The Catch 22 of Fear of Abandonment

Dear Anne -- I had not been seeking to diagnose my "on again-off again" girlfriend, but your Q&A Borderline Girlfriend really resonated with me. In short, my own girlfriend would periodically deny, disclaim and distance herself from our otherwise very intimate four year relationship, leaving me devastated each time. But the point of this letter is that I don't understand what drew me back again (and again) to this emotional version musical chairs game? "Dependent personality disorder" seems the most fitting label for me, as I seem to be all too willing to self-sacrifice (in all senses) in order to maintain a relationship with my partner. So, without going into childhood causes, etc., my question for you is: What self-help regime do you recommend for me to help me overcome my fear of abandonment while protecting my boundaries within intimate relationships? Thanks for your advice.

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Disclaimer

  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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